R.A. Lafferty Devotional Page

Hole In The Corner - Nine Hundred Grandmothers

Homer Hoose comes home to his cliche family to find his wife being devoured by a monster that looks just like him!! Or does it ?
 Homer the man was a powerful and quick-moving
 fellow. He fell on the monster with judo chops and solid
 body punches; and the monster let the woman go and
 confronted the man.     
 "What's with it, you silly oaf?" the monster snapped.
 "If you've got a delivery, go to the back door. Come
 punching people in here, will you? Regina, do you know
 who this silly simpleton is?"    
 "Wow, that was a pretty good one, wasn't it, Homer?"
 Regina gasped as she came from under, glowing and
 gulping. "Oh, him? Gee, Homer, I think he's my hus-
 band. But how can he be, if you are? Now the two of
 you have got me so mixed up that I don't know which
 one of you is my Homer."     
 "Great goofy Gestalten! You don't mean I look like
 him" howled Homer the monster, near popping.  
 "My brain reels," moaned Homer the man. "Reality
 melts away. Regina! Exorcise this nightmare if you have
 in some manner called it up! I knew you shouldn't have
 been fooling around with that book."   
 "Listen, mister reely-brains," wife Regina began on
 Homer the man. "You learn to kiss like he does before
 you tell me which one to exorcise. All I ask is a little
 affection. And this I didn't find in a book."  
 "How we going to know which one is Papa? They
 look just alike," daughters Clara-Belle, Anna-Belle, and
 Maudie-Belle came in like three little chimes.  
 "Hell-hipping horrors!" roared Homer the man. "How
 are you going to know -- ? He's got green skin."  
 "There's nothing wrong with green skin as long as
 it's kept neat and oiled," Regina defended.  
 "He's got tentacles instead of hands," said Homer the
 "Oh boy, I'll say!" Regina sang out.